Being Authentically Yourself
Let's talk about being authentically ourselves. This is something I have struggled with my entire life. I was trying to find where I fit in and how to be palatable for others. It all started when I was very young. I was bullied a lot. I was made fun of for the way that I looked, what I wore, what I liked and didn't like. For years moving forward I struggled to make friends and feel genuinue love. My first bully was my mother. She judge me down to my blood cells. I was too fat or too skinny. Why am I listening to that music? Why did I color my hair? Why do I want the piercings I have? You look just like your father (in such a distasteful tone). Even my brother bullied me and made fun of me for being fat and having broad shoulders. I have carried the weight of my family's judgement on my back for my entire life. I struggled with eating, depression, anxiety, body image, and just being afraid to be myself. I did not have a nurturing mother that uplifed me, told me I was beautiful, and made me feel that I was loved. I travelled all though my life and into my adulthood trying new things and failing or being inconsistent. Mainly because I would second guess myself or the negative thoughts would come rushing in. I would always thing so negatively about myself or the content that I would make. I would be in fear that I would say the wrong things or be judged. However, let's be real we get judged no matter what. We could be doing something positive and someone will have something negative to say. I had to remind myself that it has more to do with the other person internally than it has to do with me personally. Remember misery does love company and they have to recruit so they judge. Now that I am a mother I remember taking my maternity photos and I said to myself I have to be the person I need to be so that my child knows they can be whoever they wish to be and know they are loved. My goal is to be the mother, therapist, safe person I needed growing up and throughout my life. As I grow and get older I am finding myself where I am in life and giving grace and compassion to myself. I apologized to the old versions of who I once was but also thanked them for getting me to where I am today.
I am going to learn to continue to be myself and be the authentic version of myself in the moment. I love me and who I am. I love all parts of me. It starts with loving yourself so that you can expand it externally.
Love,
Tiayra J